Why Unnecessary chatting with Opposite Sex is Unbiblical

Why Unnecessary chatting with opposite sex is Un-biblical? 

This section is for all those who don't necessarily are planning to marry the person , but yet they allow too much communication with opposite gender which might connect with our overall theme of the article. Because everything has a time, so I believe marriage preparation has a time for which this discussion is necessary.

1 Co 10:23 'Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial' major discussion will hang around this truth.

1) A lot of friendships with the opposite sex are flirting :-

- Friendship or Flirting should be determined based on time and age when you start indulging too much with the opposite sex without any reason. 'Unnecessary' is the key word in this article, which means without any official reason. I have many many examples during the time of my years, how girls and boys just out of casual interest towards each other try to create 'talking relationship', not lot of these talking relationships are called 'friendship'. Now before somebody charges me with old school crime that I am prohibiting any  talk with 'opposite gender' let me clarify what I mean by this. Talking relationship normally starts with 'Hi and Hello', not necessarily face to face but through social media. Person may find uncomfortable especially when you are complete stranger to just say 'Hi' to totally new person without any reason. That is even more uncomfortable with opposite gender. But granted sometimes we take the liberty to start casual talk with opposite sex as part of our routine. That person may be 'classmate, Sunday school friend,  youth camp group friend, or normal church Youth going person or may be staying in same society'. There is nothing wrong with 'Hi Hello as part of respecting known person', I  would consider that 'civic sense' or 'being gentle towards strangers'. But when Casual 'Hi Hello' is taken intentionally to 'talking relationship' that's where the unnecessary part comes in. I have been through this time, so I know how this develops bit by bit. For example, it may just start with Hi and Hello, than next time when you intentionally try to build up more proximity, you take liberty to talk 'What's going on?' , then 'How was the day?', then 'I am glad to be your friend' , these is slippery slop, 'unless there is official reason to talk' this would eventually take to 'talking relationship' which unavoidably provides millions of opportunities to develop 'emotional connection'. I have seen 'talking relationships' grown up to certain level when they actually start going together outside for watching movies, parties, hanging out. But we think this is just normal right? I think you are leaving blind spot, 'During this time' have you asked yourself , Is this necessary? If you don't have any official reason this is just casual relationship build up. Official reason would include i.e. study work, office work, Church youth arrangement, conference work, preparing Church slide together, physical arrangement in Church, choir practice time setting, spiritual doctrinal discussion. All these should not be developed as 'Talking relationship' but remain just up to the time when you 'need the person for some identifiable reason'. The problem is most people, go beyond 'identifiable reason' to 'unidentifiable reason'. That's where communication starts to take turn. 

- Shifting from official talk to casual talk would require intention of 'belongingness'  , sense of belonging thrives when you take your communication to 'casual talk for just fun'. Just fun talk are commonly seen as 'normal' but let me tell you, that's where most of 'emotions' build up, and people allow this kind of talk for years, upto the level where they either allow or create 'bond or link' and 'chemical reaction' towards opposite gender , now of course somebody say 'I know how to control myself in that area', of course you know, But what about other person whom you are talking? I have been to this time, so unless you are medically unfit, this attraction is inevitable. Lot of people 'don't necessarily admit that they are having such feelings, but if you carefully self-examine yourself, you may be enjoying attachment or provide other person an opportunity to feel the same way.  You might say, we both are fine, no such feeling is allowed ! Again this is argument from overconfidence, our human system is made in such a way that 'this emotional connection is unavoidable'. I have found real life examples those who say, they don't have any such feelings actually got married with same person. Moreover, it is not about 'self-controlling ability', it is more about 'vulnerability'. We are never strong in cases where God has already told us to 'flee'. Vulnerability is the idea where, 'you actually have potential opportunity to dive into unhealthy romance, if not you the other person'. Lot of people really don't understand that 'there is always potential to create unhealthy romance'. Secret life is unknown to the world, and especially when you have created 'talking relationship bond' these potentiality for unhealthy romance is at every minute when you talk. You can trust yourself, but you can't trust other person 100%. Actually you are providing opportunity in the name of 'self-controlling ability'. So unnecessary 'talking relationship are either producing flirting or providing potential opportunity for that'.

2) Boys like naturally to talk with girls/vice verse:-

- We all have tendencies to talk with opposite sex, it is not something that you have to strive to do , it just comes naturally. Again, we are talking here about 'Unnecessary chatting' with opposite sex. When person doesn't have any reason why he/she is talking with that opposite gender, there must be some reason and most fundamental reason is 'lust of the flesh'.  - In the name of friendship we have allowed so much of flirting going on. Good behaving Christians have fallen into this trap thinking they are behaving normal. While friendship is something when you share your feelings and time together. Definitely best friends are helpful in Christian life. But, when your best friend is opposite sex, you are simply playing on the edge of emotional connections.  When you don't have reason, simply ask this question , why am I talking with that girl/boy? If you are being honest , without any specific reason you will find this , 'Just because I like it'. (I am going to argue that even when we have specific reasons, we should avoid much proximity with opposite gender).

- One of the most enraging thing for a young man to hear is 'stay away from girls', because that's what they naturally want, and if someone takes away your favorite thing to do during the day, of course you are going to react. This is natural desire inbuilt in everyone to talk with opposite sex, the question is should we give opportunities to feed that desire? Unnecessary chatting with opposite sex is almost accepted as normal thing , but in fact it is the starting point of any sliding slope. 

3) Creating boundaries:-

- Creating boundaries over opposite sex proximity is not being narrow minded, but it is restricting more opportunities for temptation. Putting boundaries on our day to day communication with opposite sex is creating an awareness that 'everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial'. Sometimes people consider this thing Innocent, while we must remember that innocent attraction can lead to disastrous affair.

4) Don't play with emotions:-

- Boys and girls argue, we are not in relationship we are just friends, well that is the problem. Don't indulge in day to day talk if you are not in relationship because inevitably emotions are involved in it.  So many times boys don't understand that, they are playing with emotions of the girl. We simply need to understand that, before proper time, with the confidence of parents , with intention for marriage and after discerning God's will for marriage we should not even think for 'emotional talk' with opposite sex. 

- So many guys just play with emotions unknowingly try to hide their secret activity with the desire to remain private with the girl until her parents know about it, they just want to enjoy it. If no intention to enjoy the lust is made, than also inevitable desires feel so strong that girls if not boys are becoming easy trap to this emotion game play. Before they know they are emotionally connected at premature age. 

5) Proximity creates bond:-

- While chatting doesn't simply stay hi and hello as we saw in first point. It grows further and further and you can't keep track every time that how much bond this frequent unnecessary talk is creating between you and that girl or vice-verse. So many girls like when boys talk to them, but it is God given desire to be encouraged within the boundaries of marriage. 

- So many times I have noticed Boys don't talk with their boy friends as much as they talk with their girl friends, which tells us that 'they have cultivated more proximity with girls rather than boys'. Why would a boy have so much communication with girl without any reason ? Normally conversation starts with hi and hello.  But, when they start growing further this tiny feeding of the lust 'creates an excuse' that they will remain friends. In reality they are something more than just a friends. Someone has said it rightly, 'You can not have regular personal chat with opposite sex and not create any mental bond'. So it is impossible to not create any kind of emotional connection when someone talks on regular bases to the girl. 

- We must conclude that Boys should not play with the emotions of some girl, because she doesn't belong to you, she belongs to her future husband not you. Stop playing with the opposite sex on social media, WhatsApp, insta-chats and other platforms. Proximitythe with opposite sex is not something you should enjoy before any intention of marriage. 

6) Taste and Drive mentality:-

- At the age of 18, Guys want to check every model before finalizing at 25 which one suits their desire for emotional connection. That is not Godly way of deciding for marriage. You are playing actually with subjects of youth which Bible specifically denies in 2 Tim. 2:22. Decision for marriage doesn't follow once you end up being emotionally connected, but before you make sure that person is believer and is ready for marriage than you should proceed for emotional talk. 

- Taste and Drive mentality kills women's dignity and drives off the sanctity of womanhood. Not every woman or every man belongs to you. So don't just throw your invitation for chats with whomsoever you find beautiful in your eyes. That is like giving free reign to your desires until you find perfect fit for your satisfaction.

7) Lack of patience and lack of faith in God's timing:-

- Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33. Do you know significance of this verse? It basically speaks of all the needs that we require, God is going to fulfill in his time. Ecc 3:11 says, Lord has made everything beautiful in its time. There is God's sovereign time-table which works exactly the way it was designed. We don't have to break his guidelines in order to prepone his time-table. Have you ever wondered 'Your father knows better than you do, when you need marriage partner? 

- That is why I firmly believe 'before the age of marriage and specifically when you are able to manage a family and a wife you should start searching for marriage partner but not before. Now notice, I am not saying you become completely inactive that is another extreme, you can start praying and wait until you are capable to run a house, and age of marriage is usually when Boy is able to run a house and run a family. For girl it should be when she is mature enough to understand what marriage is ! In both cases I think ideally 25 is perfect age when person should start actually making efforts to find a life partner. There is nothing wrong with putting efforts with trusting God's sovereignty when you are doing it at right age, but there is everything wrong when you do it before the time and in wrong manner which we will see in this article.   

- Lot of men want to grab everything before the time, as if they are the in-charge of someone's life and because of this they also become impatient. This is pure lack of faith, in God's timing, that God provides marriage partner for his children at proper time. There is time for everything. When person is heavily looking for marriage partner before teen age or even before he finished his education is because he cant wait upon God. 

8) Unnecessary chat provides wrong testimony to the watching world:-

- Unnecessary chat creates a weak picture of a believer, Paul says, For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man (2 Cor. 8:21). Lot of times we don't ask this question , is my extra liberty in talking with girls or boys help another Christian to grow in Christ or am I becoming another role model for being romeo in the town? If you never think about this, than you are probably disloyal to your Witness as a Christian.